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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29942379">we are all we have</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/honeyvoicehwang'>honeyvoicehwang (InsecurelyPerfect)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/InsecurelyPerfect'>InsecurelyPerfect</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>7 times plus one, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Chan is the best leader, Found Family, Happy Ending, Like More Than Usual, Minor Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Platonic Love, fuck jyp in this lmaooo, made some stuff up, theyre all exhausted, tw for the hyunjin bullying situation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:42:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29942379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/honeyvoicehwang, https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsecurelyPerfect/pseuds/InsecurelyPerfect</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the boys are struggling and their leader is always there for them.</p><p>currently on hiatus until may 20 at the earliest !!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan &amp; Everyone, Han Jisung | Han &amp; Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin &amp; Everyone, Kim Seungmin &amp; Everyone, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) &amp; Everyone, Lee Minho | Lee Know &amp; Everyone, Seo Changbin &amp; Everyone, Yang Jeongin | I.N &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. jeongin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello !!<br/>here i am, once again, f̶e̶e̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ i am posting a new work instead of finishing my several unfinished pieces<br/>idea came from/dedicated to felbokbok on twt and felbokbokbok on insta!!</p><p>idea:<br/>chan always steps up when the members are being mistreated, so what happens when chan is being mistreated?</p><p>disclaimer that all everything depicted here is false, while still going based off of a couple of things we know about certain situations, more specific tws will be with each chapter.</p><p>- i fudged the time a Lot in this chapter -- i know jeongin graduated feb 2021 and that kcon thai was like ?? 2 years ago ?? but i have no respect for time so it's okay &lt;3<br/>also i know jyp's not the ceo but i dont know who is so for the sake of this lets just pretend he is.<br/>i also dont think sopa has a end of the year project/trip to national museum of korea so lets pretend &lt;3<br/>thats the fun thing about fiction is pretending &lt;3</p><p>tw // mild descriptions of anxiety</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The trip was mandatory.  It was definitely out of Jeongin's control.  So why was there an email on his phone, telling him that permission to go on the school trip was denied?</p><p>Sure, he wasn't doing the <em>best </em>in school, but it wasn't like he wasn't trying. It was just difficult to manage idol life and school life at the same time.  Jeongin still wanted to graduate.  He didn't know what he wanted to do in college, or if he even wanted to go to college, but he knew that he didn't want to be a high school drop out.  Not when he'd come this far.  </p><p>And going on this school trip was more than just a leisurely activity.  It was something that was quite literally required of him to graduate.</p><p>The students would be going to the National Museum of Korea to look at exhibits to choose a topic for their year-end project, showing everything they've learned in school up to this point.  It would give them a chance to see things in person and get to talk to the museum directors and get in some good research for their projects.  However, that just so happened to be the day that Stray Kids would be going to Thailand in preparation for KCON Thailand.</p><p>This could not be less his fault than if he had personally set up the two things to overlap.  He wanted to do both.  Well, not really, but he wanted to graduate, and he considered that to be both events.</p><p>Truly, Jeongin hated being away from his members for longer than he needed to be, and they would be gone for five days, where he would be stuck, alone, in their empty dorm where the silence was too loud for him to handle by himself.  But this was for his graduation.  If he didn't go, he would need to repeat the year, which was next to the last thing he wanted to do.</p><p>He groaned, setting his phone on his stomach and throwing his head back as the stylist tried to do his makeup.  He could tell she was getting frustrated with him based on the sigh she let out, and before she had to say anything, he sat up, an apologetic look written on his face.</p><p>"Jeongin-ah, what's wrong?"  There it was.  The familiar voice of his leader, Chan.  He knew he could rely on Chan because that's just the kind of person Chan was, but this felt different.</p><p>It felt weird for Jeongin to admit that he couldn't go to KCON Thailand because he wanted to graduate on time with his peers.  He wasn't even sure why.  It was a completely normal thing for him to experience, and it was something he'd discussed with several of the other idols he went to school with -- that it'd be cool to graduate together.  But it didn't seem like that would be a possibility.</p><p>"Nothing, hyung," Jeongin said through a smile, "was just being dramatic, is all."</p><p>He could see the skepticism in Chan's eyes, but that didn't make him want to tell the leader any more than he originally wanted to.  Maybe later, but certainly not now.  They had a shoot they had to get to, after all.  Besides, it wasn't like Chan to give up on something if he felt that there was something wrong; and everything about Jeongin said that there was something to worry about.</p><p>-</p><p>To say that the shoot went wrong would be an understatement.  A very gross understatement.</p><p>Jeongin was never one to need to be told that he had to fix his posture or his facial expression, but that was practically all he heard this time.  The staff said it looked like he was concentrating on something too hard, and that he looked paler than he should, even through the already light makeup and heavy lights.  That made his stomach churn, and he tried his best to keep a poker face, but he had never been good at it, and he knew that, but he really had to try at that moment.  Harder than he had before.</p><p>Even his best wasn't good enough, and they ended up telling him to figure out what it was that was bothering him and get it sorted before his reshoot the following week.</p><p>When he plopped back in his styling chair, he felt like he was deflating with the exhalation that escaped him.  He tried to curl up the best he could in the tiny chair, his knees pressed into his chest and knees digging into his forehead, almost falling off the chair, but it was the only thing that he could think to do that would help feel as though he'd disappeared.</p><p>What didn't help was that he could feel the boys' eyes on him when they weren't actively being shot.  One of them even came up behind him and rested their hand on his shoulder.  He didn't even have the energy to shrug them off and tell them he wasn't in the mood.  Thankfully, his unmoving position seemed to give them that idea, because a moment later, without saying a word, the hand retracted itself, and he was once again left cold and alone.</p><p>-</p><p>Jeongin was an adult.  He knew that, his members knew that, Stay knew that.  So the way he was sitting on his bed, crying quietly to himself because even thinking about the situation hurt his head too much felt more embarrassing that it should have.</p><p>It was something that was ultimately relatively minor, so why was it freaking him out so much?  He knew plenty of idols that either dropped out or graduated a year late or something because school really just was not their thing, but for some reason, he could not apply the same logic to himself.  He was trying to reassure himself that it would be okay if he didn't graduate on time and that so many people took time off between their schooling, especially idols, but that just didn't seem to be a possibility for Jeongin.</p><p>He knew that his members would be supportive, that the staff would probably be happy about it, his family would be understanding, so would Stay, and that the school probably wouldn't care, but it was a personal thing.  There was no justifying it in his mind that it was a viable option for him.</p><p>A louder sob escaped his lips as he rolled his eyes when there was a knock on his door.  Quickly, he cleared his throat and tried to wipe his eyes before his leader's green head popped into the room.  "You up?"</p><p>Jeongin sniffed and sat up.  "I guess."</p><p>Chan walked into the room, shutting the door, and took a seat on Jeongin's bed.  It was a small gesture, but Jeongin felt a little energized just by that.  His heart vibrated in his rib cage, thumping so harshly he felt the blood pumping in his fingers and his feet.  He knew what was coming.</p><p>"We're talking about this now, okay?"</p><p>Jeongin sighed.  "Yeah, I expected that."</p><p>Chan's brows furrowed, concern filling his dark eyes.  "So, what happened?  What went wrong at the shoot?"</p><p>A little groan escaped Jeongin.  He didn't say anything, just reached for his phone to show Chan, thinking he wouldn't be able to get the words out.</p><p>He watched Chan's expression carefully as his eyes read the words on the screen.  Jeongin's fingernails found their way into his mouth, teeth biting rapidly, to try and combat how hard this heart was thumping.  The concern transformed into confusion, just the same as Jeongin's arms transformed to lead.  "Innie, what is this?"</p><p>He whined.  "You see, um, you know, SOPA's mandatory trip to the National Museum of Korea?"</p><p>Chan nodded,  "Sort of."  The confusion did not let up, but his shoulders did tense.</p><p>Jeongin bit his lip.  "That's the same weekend we have KCON in Thailand, and the staff won't let me go to the trip.  That's what the email is telling me."</p><p>"Okay, we'll just talk to the staff about it, yeah?"  Chris' voice was calm and collected.  While Jeongin appreciated it, he didn't think Chan really understood the weight it held, since he didn't attend SOPA.</p><p>"Hyung, no disrespect, but I'm kind of freaking the fuck out, because if I don't go to this trip, I cannot graduate this school year.  I don't think the staff will care."</p><p>Chan seemed to let Jeongin's words sink in.  He nodded slowly.  "Okay, so, let's bring it up with the manager, yeah?   See what he says before we take it higher.  You know I have no problem going to JYP PD-nim himself, right?"</p><p>The thought of Chan going directly to JYP caused a shiver to run down his spine.  He knew that Chan had absolutely no qualms about it and had done it before, and would absolutely do it again, but it just didn't sit right with Jeongin.  "Hyung..."</p><p>Chan wrapped an arm around Jeongin.  "Come on, what's the worst that can happen?  They give you a choice?  You know that the other Kids will be there with you, and we will all help you make a choice, right?"</p><p>Jeongin wanted to protest, saying that worst case scenario is they send him to Thailand without a second though, but instead he nodded, his heart filling up.  If anyone could handle the situation at hand, it was Chan without a doubt.  He couldn't help the smile that formed on his face.  He buried his face in Chan's neck.  "You really are the best leader, hyung."</p><p>Chan jokingly pushed him away.  "No, I'm not."  He pat Jeongin on the arm.  "Let's go, though, Minho wants to go out for dinner, so I promised him we would.  We can discuss this more in the car, okay?"</p><p>Knowing that Chan wouldn't give it up, no matter how much he begged Chan, Jeongin nodded once more, following Chan's lead.</p><p>-</p><p>The boys were all wrapped up in their own things, there was no way they'd hear Jeongin if he spoke quietly enough unless they were really trying to listen, but seeing as everyone but Chan and him were on the verge of falling asleep, he thought it would be a good opportunity to talk to Chan -- especially after the dinner they had.</p><p>
  <em>Jeongin loved being with his members, even if he didn't always express that, and while he liked being treated like an adult, he also wouldn't change his position as maknae for anything in the world.  Getting all of his members' attention and knowing they would protect him without a second thought made him really happy.</em>
</p><p><em>Usually, they would listen to him, especially when he expressed that he wasn't comfortable with something.  Which was why it was so jarring for him to find Chan's phone, lit up with seventeen texts from their manager talking about </em>him<em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>Jeongin's teeth clenched as he grabbed the leader's phone, as well as the leader, by the shirt and dragged them both into the bathrooom.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Immediately, he threw Chan's phone down hapazardly.  Not enough to break it, but just enough to show that he was upset.  He couldn't even look at Chan directly, so he just looked at himself in the mirror.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why do you have my phone?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I asked you not to talk to the manager until we talked about this further."  Jeongin crossed his arms, glance darting to try and read Chan's facial expression.  It was too hard to read, but Jeongin hoped he saw guilt in the weird mix of emotions that were all on Chan's face at once.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Chan let his head drop and all Jeongin saw was a green cloud of curls.  He looked away.  "I know, and I'm sorry, but I know you.  You don't like to discuss things, even if you say you will, and I thought that was the only way.  I didn't think he'd get back to me so quickly."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And that makes it okay?"  Jeongin slammed his hands against the counter top; the sound of his rings clacking against the counter was loud enough for him to think he broke it by accident.  He didn't.  He whipped around and look directly at Chan, who was already staring at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His expression had gone from unreadable to stormy.  A pit was forming in Jeongin's stomach.  He knew Chan had good intentions and that he didn't mean any harm by it, but Jeongin was already angry.  "Look, I'm sorry, okay?  I just wanted to get the ball rolling."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jeongin didn't know how to respond.  He leaned his back up against the counter, its sharp edge digging into the small of his back.  He knew there would be a mark if he was there for a few minutes longer.  "Were you going to tell me you texted him?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The silence from Chan was all he needed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He walked out, leaving Chan and his phone alone.</em>
</p><p>Uncomfortably, Jeongin had been placed next to Chan, just because the two of them had been the last ones to get in the car.  Jeongin was clearly more uncomfortable with it than Chan was, though.  </p><p>He sucked in a deep breath through his nose.  His perfectly manicured fingernail jabbed Chan's exposed arm gently.  Not enough to hurt, just to get his attention.  </p><p>Jeongin didn't think he'd ever seen Chan's head turn so quickly.  If he had no knowledge of how bodies worked, he might have thought Chan would twist his head off with how quickly he turned it.  "I.N-ah?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, hyung.  I-I overreacted."  He looked down, playing with his fingers.  "I know that you were only trying to help -- and you're right.  I didn't want to talk about it, so, um, I guess I should thank you for messaging the manager."</p><p>Jeongin missed the warm smile and crinkled eyes that spread across Chan's features.  However, he did not miss the feeling of Chan's hand ruffling his hair.  "You're a good kid, Jeongin.  Never forget that."</p><p>"Thank you for everything you've done for me, hyung."</p><p>"Of course.  It's what I'm here for.  You should get to sleep now, we'll discuss it more in the morning, yeah?"</p><p>Jeongin nodded and rested his head on Chan's shoulder.</p><p>-</p><p>There was a light tapping on his foot that woke Jeongin up the next morning.</p><p>The light behind Chan made his smile look brighter than usual.  Jeongin squinted.  "Hyunggggg, what time is it?"</p><p>"7:30 in the morning."</p><p>Jeongin shoved his face back into his pillow.  "Why are you waking me up so early?  We don't have anything shceduled for today."</p><p>Chan sat down on the bed next to him.  Jeongin could feel his body being pulled toward the dip Chan made in the mattress.  It wasn't long before Chan was petting his hair.  "Ah, that may have been the case last night, but I made some calls, did some things, and arranged for you and me to meet with JYP PD-nim this morning at 9."</p><p><em>That </em>caught Jeongin's attention.  He shot up, knocking his head into Chan's.  "Shit, sorry, hyung.  But, what do you mean you made some calls and arragned for us to meet with him?"  He thought for a second, scrunching his nose, before adding, "And why did you wake me up at 7:30 if the meeting isn't until 9?"</p><p>Chan smiled warmly at him.  "I mean that I called him up and I asked him if we -- being you and I -- could speak to him and he said yes.  And I woke you up at 7:30 so we could talk about how to go about handling the meeting.  Sound good?"</p><p>Jeongin thought for a moment before nodding his head.  "Yeah, that makes sense."</p><p>He shifted so that his back was against the headboard and he was sitting upright in bed.  "Did you have anything in mind?"</p><p>Chan pat his thigh.  "Yeah.  I want you to be the one to mostly take control of this meeting, however, I will be there for support.  If he's really not listening, I will take over if you need or want me to.  Okay?"</p><p>Jeongin sucked in a breath.  Yeah, that sounded manageable.  He's done presentations before, and he could do them for this.  That's all this was.  A presentation.  Sure, it was one that would decide his future, but he could do it.  And if he ended up throwing up a lung, Chan hyung would be there to help him through it.</p><p>-</p><p>If he was looking at it from the company's perspective, no matter how persuasive he was, there was no way they would let him attend the trip.</p><p>Jeongin was certain he could feel the pit forming in his stomach that wanted to swallow him whole.</p><p>He drummed his fingers on the back of the cards he was holding with all of his notes, his mind running faster than he had ever run in his life.  His eyes flicked from the clock to his boss in front of him to Chan to the cards and repeat.  He wasn't sure he was breathing.</p><p>When his eyes landed on Chan for the sixth time, he noticed that Chan was silently trying to get his attention by making han gestures under the table.  Jeongin let his eyes linger on Chan.  Chan mimicked sucking a deep breath in and letting it out.</p><p>
  <em>Breathe.</em>
</p><p>Jeongin didn't know if it was that simple, but he tried to get the air in and out.  It was just that it felt like his body was working against him and didn't seem to want to let that happen.</p><p>Jeongin didn't really know what he was waiting for, but he knew that he couldn't start until he had the okay from JYP, and he wasn't sure how long that would take to happen.  JYP was just sitting there, his expression indecipherable.</p><p>He was quiet for another minute or two before finally saying something.  "So, your leader," he said, gesturing across the table to Chan, "said you had something you wanted to ask me."</p><p>Jeongin tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry.  "U-um, yes.  Yeah.  That's... yes."  He mentally cringed at himself, thinking that would dock him points.</p><p>Without saying anything else, JYP held out his hand at Jeongin, as though he were saying "The floor is yours."</p><p>Jeongin let out one last breath before starting.  "So, as you know, I attend SOPA.  While attending SOPA, they require that trip to the National Museum of Korea, but that same day is the day of KCON Thailand.</p><p>"And to go to the trip, I would have to skip KCON Thailand.  And also, um, if I went on the trip, I would be able to graduate.</p><p>"B-because, um, I don't, um, know if you know, um, but I can't, um, graduate if I, y'know, don't go on, um, this trip.  Um.  Yeah."</p><p>Jeongin bowed quickly before scurrying to sit behind Chan.  He didn't want to listen to what JYP was going to say.</p><p>He couldn't hear anything except for the scratching of a pen agianst paper for way too long.</p><p>"...PD-nim?" Chan asked.</p><p>JYP only hummed.  "One second."</p><p>Jeongin counted to twenty.  JYP was still writing.</p><p>It finally stopped.</p><p>"Jeongin, please, come out, so I can look at you."  It wasn't a question.</p><p>Slowly, Jeongin peeked out from just over Chan's shoulder, most of his face still hidden.  JYP looked calm to him.  <em>Too </em>calm.</p><p>"It brings me great pain to say this, but I don't think I can let you go on the trip."  <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>He knew it.  He knew this was pointless and that JYP would never have agreed to it.  He was just going to have to suck it up and either retake his senior year or just drop out of high school, neither of which he wanted to do.</p><p>Chan looked like he was about to break something.  Jeongin put a hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down, but Chan just shrugged him off.</p><p>"Are you serious right now?"</p><p>JYP's expression hardened.  "Watch your tone."</p><p>"No.  This is something he <em>needs </em>to graduate.  Can you not see how much this is stressing him out?"  Chan's voice was getting louder and louder with each word.  "I don't care if not all of us are at the Con.  Things don't always work out perfectly, and it's your job to make srue that the staff are taking care of the artists under your care are succeeding in the ways that you set up for them.</p><p>"This is not setting up for them.  This is asking them to fail for the sake of having everyone in a group be together.  Jeongin-ah doesn't want to reapeat the year, so I ask you to reconsider."</p><p>By the time Chan had finished, JYP's arms were crossed tightly over his chest, a sour look on his face.  "I really think you should reconsider how you're speaking to me."</p><p>Chan stayed silent.</p><p>JYP cleared his throat.  "Fine.  Whatever.  I.N can choose which event he would like to attend.  Decide by Friday."  He closed his folder and walked out without looking back at their boy.</p><p>Jeongin threw his arms around Chan.  "Thank you, hyung."</p><p>Chan simply smiled, rubbing his hand up and down Jeongin's back.  "I told you we could do it."</p><p>Jeongin knew that his oldest hyung would always be there for him, and he could not be more thankful for that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. seungmin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lol to clarify this is supposed to be the flu whoops</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started as a stuffy nose. There was no way Seungmin could have predicted how bad it would get.</p><p>Sure, maybe he sneezed three too many times during dance practice to worry Minho enough to tell him to go back to the dorm, but it was the fall. Everyone has allergies and gets sick in the changing weather. He didn't think much of it.</p><p>At least, not until four days later when Stray Kids was supposed to be filming Heart Kid's Room and his head was pounding, and he could barely think over how inflamed his sinuses were.</p><p>That morning, about an hour before they left, Seungmin tried to get a hold of their manager. His head was throbbing, and he wasn't sure how well he could really stand. Fuck, he was sweating and also somehow simultaneously had goosebumps. He took one look at himself in the mirror and decided.</p><p>There was no way he would be able to make it to filming.</p><p>He looked one punch away from dead. His face was practically ghost white and his hair was sticking up in directions he'd never see it in before. The bags under his eyes looked expensive enough to be labelled as Gucci or Louis Vuitton or some shit. He didn't have the energy to think. He just knew he would not be able to get through the day dragging his limbs behind him like they were bowling balls, while <em>also </em>trying to make sure that he wouldn't lose his head in the clouds.</p><p>He groaned, leaving forward and resting his head in the sink as he tried the managers for the fifth time. He didn't know <em>why </em>they weren't picking up, but Seungmin knew that if he couldn't get in touch with someone soon, he was just going to crawl back into bed and fall asleep like his brain, which was begging him to.</p><p>He was just about to hang up and make good on his promise to himself when one of the managers finally picked up. "Hello? Seungmin-ah? Is everything alright?"</p><p>He automatically groaned in response. "No; don't think I'll be able to film today."</p><p>"What? Why? What's wrong?"</p><p>Seungmin ran a hand through his hair.  He looked at it with disgust when he realized it was covered in sweat.  <em>Gross.  </em>"'m not entirely sure, to be honest.  Couple of days ago, I thought I just had a cold, and I thought nothing of it, but I guess preparing for the comeback and everything that's been going on lately, I haven't given myself adequate time to recover, and it got worse.  Right now, I can barely hold my body up, and I'm fairly certain that I have a fever.  I really can't do the filming today.  I just need a few days of rest -- that's all."  Putting all of that into one sentence took way more energy than Seungmin thought he was capable of.</p><p>Lord, did he just want to be surrounded by his warm blankets on his fluffy mattress.  That was all he was asking for at that moment.  He smiled to himself as he heard shuffling and hushed whispers coming from the other end.  He assumed they were discussing another day they could record.</p><p>The first clear thing he heard was a sigh.  "Look, it's not that we don't want you to get better, but..."  Seungmin knew what was going to come next.  He wondered if he was going to throw up.  "We just think it's relatively low energy.  Do you think you can swing it for today?  We have a schedule we need to keep up.  The teasers and release date are already out."</p><p>"But--"</p><p>"We'll give you some day medicine or something you'll just have to power through, okay?  Now get moving."  They didn't give him a chance to respond before hanging up.</p><p>"Fuck," he whispered, staring down at his phone.</p><p>He exhaled and figured that maybe he was just overreacting.  Maybe if he took DayQuil and got some food in his system, he'd be fine.  Besides, wasn't that what most sicknesses were, anyways?  Played out in the head, thinking it's worse than it actually was?  Yeah, he'd be fine.</p><p>Chan seemed to pick up that something was wrong from the moment Seungmin walked into the kitchen.  Which, yeah, okay, it was, but he thought, or at least <em>hoped, </em>that he was doing a better job of hiding it than he was.  Then again, stumbling around and looking like he'd risen from the dead didn't typically tend to constitute someone was "fine."</p><p>Chan was by his side in an instant, arm wrapped around his torso, and helping him to the table.  "Minnie, you think you'll be alright to film today?"  When Seungmin didn't respond right away, Chan added, "You feel any worse from the other day?"</p><p>At that, Seungmin moved his eyes incredibly slowly from the empty plate in from of him to meet Chan's eyes.  That was all it took for Chan to know the answer.  Of course Seungmin was feeling worse.  "Okay, um, do you want me to--"</p><p>Seungmin held up his hand.  "Hyung, I appreciate the sentiment, seriously, but I already asked."</p><p>"They didn't say you had to go, did they?"  Seungmin cocked an eyebrow, as if to say 'What do you think?'  "Damn it.  I'm going to fucking give them a piece of my mind.  This shit is unacceptable."  Chan was already cleaning up his spot of half-eaten food.  Seungmin wondered if the smoke coming out of Chan's ears was the fever or if it was actually come out of his ears.  "They'll take one look at you and realize that is no condition to be filming in."  Chan winced at his words.  "Uh, no offense."</p><p>"It's all good."</p><p>-</p><p>The ride over was hell.  The medicine didn't seem to help at all.  The members kept trying to talk to Seungmin, but he wasn't listening.  It was distracting him from focusing on not thinking about how he felt.</p><p>He knew that just made him think about it more, but he wasn't sure if trying to take part in the conversation would be better.  He just needed to suck it up and get through the shoot.</p><p>And it worked -- sort of -- until Seungmin literally could not ignore it anymore.</p><p>-</p><p>It was going worse than anticipated.  Seungmin felt like his head was going to explode.  He could hardly see the questions, the words not registering; let alone listen to what thoughtful response the boy must next to him was giving.  He loved his members, he really did, but holy <em>shit </em>did he just want to go home already.  He was miserable and wasn't even trying.  He could see that Chan, between takes, was glaring the staff down.</p><p>He appreciated the love that the oldest member had for the boys, but that didn't get him out of his current predicament, where he could only feel himself getting worse the harder he tried to understand what was happening around him.</p><p>He heard Changbin next to him, babbling about he didn't even know what.  It felt like a jack hammer was banging his brain around his skull.  he was trying to listen, but Changbin's voice was only went in one ear, and out the other.  Hell, he thought he'd forgotten how to read when his eyes unfocused on the message in front of him, and all he saw was gibberish.  The letters didn't mean anything to him, and that was probably stressing him out more than anything at that moment.</p><p>Changbin had stopped speaking.  It was his turn.  Seungmin looked back at the monitor, trying to read what Minho had asked them.  He bit his lip and gave up after a second.  The only thing he could get from the question was something about going to restaurants alone.</p><p>"Um..." he blinked.</p><p>"'Um?'  Number Four, what's your answer?"  He heard what Minho asked, and he wanted to respond, but he couldn't think.  Every time he thought of something, the moment he tried to say it out loud, he lost the thought.</p><p>"Number Four?"  Minho didn't sound angry, which Seungmin deeply appreciated.  He must have figured out that he was Seungmin and that the lack of a response wasn't his fault.</p><p>Seungmin's vision blurred.  His head continued throbbing.  he knew that moving would only make it worse.  "Restaurant... I... usually go alone?"  He didn't sound sure of himself.  The response from Minho took longer.  He registered that Changbin shoved him lightly, silently asking if he was alright.  Seungmin nodded absentmindedly.</p><p>A few more seconds passed before Changmin was waving his hand in front of Seungmin's face.  Seungmin stared at him, taking notice that Changbin's mic had been taken off.  He looked at Changbin, confused.</p><p>"Okay, come on, you."  Changbin put Seungmin over his shoulders and guided him out of the room to where the others were.  </p><p>They all looked a mix of confused and concerned when both Changbin and Seungmin came out of the room.  Chan was the first one to jump and help guide Seungmin to be seated, to no one's surprise.  "Is he responsive?  He seems <em>really </em>out of it," Chan asked as they lowered Seungmin against Chan's chest.</p><p>Changbin shook his head.  "Hardly.  Poor kid needs to rest.  Minho asked the staff to take five and check on him."</p><p>Chan nodded.  He turned to Felix.  "Hey, can you let him lay on you?  Just, like, run your fingers through his hair or something to help relax him enough to sleep.  I'm going to have a word with the staff, because this is fucking unacceptable."</p><p>The entire room went silent as Chan stormed away.  He rarely ever got that angry.  Usually, if he did, it was pertaining to the members, which this was, but it still shocked the members every time.</p><p>-</p><p>It didn't take Chan long to find the manager.  He was in the room with Minho, a phone in his hand. distracted, but it was obvious he knew what Chan had found him for the way he put his phone away and straightened himself up before Chan got to him.  Still, he had clearly decided to play dumb when he asked, "Chan-ssi!  What's up?  Shouldn't you be filming?"</p><p>Chan sucked in a deep breath.  "No, I'm taking Seungmin back to the dorm, so that he can properly rest up.  He's unable to participate right now, and why you have him here to begin with is <em>absolutely </em>beyond me, but we're going to make it so that this never happens again.  Got it?"</p><p>The manager just stared at Chan.  "We were under direct orders from JYP himself to make sure that the eight of you were here today.  As soon as Seungmin said he thought he had a fever, we were ready to tell him not to show up, but JYP said he needed to."</p><p>"Jesus, that guy is really starting to get on my fucking nerves."  Chan rubbed his temples.  "Look, Seungmin is about passed out on Felix right now, so is it cool if I bring him back to the dorm?  I'll tell JYP-PD nim that you tried to stop us or something."  Chan could tell the manager wasn't sure exactly what to do, and that he clearly wanted to let Chan go.</p><p>He let out a huff of air.  "You know what?  Yeah, take Seungmin back and make sure he gets his rest."  Chan let out a breath he knew he was holding and watched as the manager turned away from him.  "Actually," the manager said, turning back to face Chan.  <em>Fuck, </em>Chan thought, <em>this is where he changes his mind.  </em>"Don't worry about taking the blame.  I'll handle that for you."</p><p>At that moment, Chan wondered how they got so lucky to have a manager that <em>clearly </em>had their best interests in mind.  "Thank you so much, hyung," he said, bowing as low as he could while still standing.</p><p>"No big.  Now," the manager replied, practically shoving Chan out the door, "go take care of your dongsaeng."</p><p>-</p><p>It was the chills that woke Seungmin up.  He shot up in his bed.  It didn't take long for him to realize that while he was, in fact, chilly,  his pyjamas were still stuck to his body with his sweat.  He groaned.  He also didn't miss that the room was pitch black, or that his head wasn't spinning nearly half as much as it had been the last time he remembered.  </p><p>Looking around the room, it didn't take him long before realizing he was in Chan's room, but he didn't see Chan (or a clock) anywhere.  He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone.  4:17 am.  Okay.  Weird.  He didn't remember anything past Minho asking him and Changbin something about restaurants.  And that was in the middle of the day, so it went without saying that there was a fair gap in his memory.</p><p>Just as he was about to get up and see if anyone was awake, Chan walked into the room.  "AH!  Minnie, you're up!  How are you feeling?"</p><p>"I, um, I guess I'm feeling alright.  A little more confused than usual, since I don't remember much, but I think I'm feeling a little better."</p><p>"I'm so glad to hear that."  Chan amiled at him warmly.</p><p>Seungmin was surprised when Chan didn't elaborate immediately.  Usually, he was the type to.  He turned to face Chan's back.  "Um, hyung, do you think you could explain to me what happened since the shoot?"</p><p>Chan turned so that he was facing Seungmin.  "Yeah, no problem.  You fell asleep in the middle of shotting Minho's episode, so I brought you back to the dorm with me, and you've been asleep since."</p><p>"<em>Shit -- </em>am I going to get in trouble for that?"  Seungmin's eyes widened.  "<em>Fuck </em>-- are <em>you </em>going to?"</p><p>Chan simply shook his head with a gentle smile on his lips.  "No, I appreciate the concern, but neither of us are going to get in any kind of trouble, okay?  Now, you haven't eaten since the middle of the day.  Why don't we go get you some food, yeah?"</p><p>Yeah, food sounded good, but Seungmin was stuck on one part.  "How do you know we won't get in trouble?"</p><p>Chan sighed.  "Come on, I'll tell you while you, okay?"</p><p>It took Seungmin a second to agree, but in the end he did.  "...Okay."</p><p>"Thank you," Chan said as Seungmin let Chan help him get up.</p><p>There, in Chan's arm, he was certain Chan had something to do with getting them both out of trouble, and felt more protected than he ever had before, and it was all thanks to his brilliant leader.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for taking your time to read this.<br/>as a writer whose main passion in life is writing, i just have to say any time you read something i write, i get this warm and fuzzy feeling inside and it means everything to me.<br/>so thank you for supporting me.<br/>if you like it, consider <a href="https://honeyvoicehwang.tumblr.com/post/615584756675035136/writing-commissions-i-currently-have-10-spots/">commissioning</a> me to write something for you!!  </p><p>where to find me:<br/>instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/honeyvoicehwang/">my main</a><br/>twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/honeyvoicehwang/">my main</a><br/>tumblr: <a href="https://honeyvoicehwang.tumblr.com/">my main</a><br/><a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/honeyvoicehwangau/">my au</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for taking your time to read this.<br/>as a writer whose main passion in life is writing, i just have to say any time you read something i write, i get this warm and fuzzy feeling inside and it means everything to me.<br/>so thank you for supporting me.<br/>if you like it, consider <a href="https://honeyvoicehwang.tumblr.com/post/615584756675035136/writing-commissions-i-currently-have-10-spots/">commissioning</a> me to write something for you!!  </p><p>where to find me:<br/>instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/honeyvoicehwang/">my main</a><br/>twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/honeyvoicehwang/">my main</a><br/>tumblr: <a href="https://honeyvoicehwang.tumblr.com/">my main</a><br/><a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/honeyvoicehwangau/">my au</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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